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Sep. 14th, 2019



I'm so bad at doing this...(the banner will be placed here one of these days)


This just means a lot of the entries will be hidden from the general public. I'll still put stuff up (when I get around to it), but most of it will be under friend-lock.

I don't have a problem friending back - my only problem is that I don't get alerts for these things, so please comment to be added. I'm guessing that you finding this means we knew each other at one point in time, anyways. XD


Aug. 3rd, 2011



It's always late at night when she haunts me.

I want to say it to her face: Your failure at even responding to me hurts more than me watching the ending frays of my 5-year relationship.

I want to say to her how I've been left crying by myself for many nights. I don't trust many people emotionally. I'm back at home now, which means I can't cry myself or go out late at night for the comfort I desperately need. I've lived my entire life being separated from people, and now that I've gotten older and have a bit more control, I feel that I want more physical comfort.

I'm rather talented at convincing myself of many things, but comforting myself only works so many times under the same circumstances.

She makes me want to take up drinking. I want to forget about her, because I feel like my friendship with her already burnt itself and the ashes already blew away. I want to forget all my troubles and loneliness, and remembering her amplifies those thoughts. I don't drink, I hate the taste and feel of drinking, but I feel like this stab can only go away with substance.

I want to install an ultimatum, tell her to even show me she cares within some time frame else I'm just going to box these feelings and file them away under the permanent archives. But friendship isn't about ultimatums, friendship is showing that you care.

But I'm tired of being the one to go to her. Honestly, I have tried to include so much of her in my life, but she never responds, no reciprocation. I have better conversations with my stuffed animals than her.

I'm going to bake forever, because at least with baking I can share my products. Seeing people smile as I provide a simple gift cheers me up, comforting my feelings. At least that will satisfy me enough.

Sep. 11th, 2009



I miss Joshua.

I'm not cheating on Aldo per say; this post is not about me loving someone else romantically and wishing Aldo away. I'm still dating Aldo and I completely love him. I've talked with Aldo about this a bit, and he has helped me through and given me support. Thanks Aldo ♥ ♥ ♥

I aim and attempt to not have this entire entry to sound emo nor am I searching for attention; I wrote this to put my thoughts together and release my (undeclared coherent) appreciation for someone who briefly gifted me with comfort.

It's just that...Collapse )

So, this is my closure. Anne wrote me a letter before I left the Philippines in 2001, and asked me to move on. I have kept it in my wallet from that day forward and read it periodically. (Side note: I also keep a note my goddaughter wrote to me before I started college, it brings me courage and work ethic) It honestly hurts, undergoing this closure without any other knowledge but my own. I'd make an apology statement, but that won't improve my closure.

I don't think I will ever see Joshua again in my entire life, but it would be nice if my message of thanks reaches him. He likely does not know (nor would he ever know) how much he helped me out when I needed someone the most, when I just wanted someone to understand. I still wish we could be friends again, but after all these years, I'm still afraid I'm going to lose him all over again.

But, no matter how it ends, you will never forget the happy memories of your first friend.

Nov. 12th, 2008


Motivation Loss Loves Company

(1:01:32 AM) Prentice: I sware I have like add or something
(1:01:37 AM) Jhen: i'm WORSE
(1:04:17 AM) Prentice: I'm the worst
(1:04:32 AM) Jhen: darn, you beat me to the superlative
(1:04:39 AM) Prentice: :P

As time approaches daybreak, panic approaches infinity and motivation peaks multiple times for small intervals of time.

Nov. 4th, 2008


Statistical thoughts at 1ish AM

(1:36:00 AM) Jhen: i think the thing i hate the most about statistics is the circular logic
(1:36:09 AM) Jhen: or at least the circular logic it creates on itself
(1:36:25 AM) Jhen: which in turn is circular logic
(1:37:10 AM) Drew-kun: ke ke ke ke ke xD
(1:37:27 AM) Drew-kun: the thing I hate most about circular logic is the thing I hate most about circular logic is....

Statistics is eating my soul. ;-;

Sep. 5th, 2008



It's been a long time since I've done this...

(Stolen from kage_ookami)

1. There are 30 questions.
2. Next to each number, write only the name of the person who fits.
3. Answer one question with one name.
4. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme.

1. aoi_tenshi
2. tvcatbarn
3. smellyheifer
4. redwheelbarrow
5. mizzfreestyle
6. loitered
7. smellie_kat
8. otherjoseph
9. kage_ookami
10. chocomintswirl
11. swordmage88
12. kage_ookami
13. otherjoseph
14. freckled_kisses
15. chiisu0yaoifan
16. epchacon
17. linlin_chan
18. celes_aurora
19. nel
20. babyblu86
21. linlin_chan
22. scapegoat_mutt
23. a88lefty
24. kearin
25. rainbows_666
26. kageyabari
27. saria_the_cat
28. luna_celestial
29. Aldo-kun. ^_^
30. :D :D :D :D :D

Some of these I wanted to put down more than 1 person, but I didn't feel like breaking the Meme rules so I didn't. ^^; So, if you're not on the list...well, I honestly made an effort to put down a different name for the most part, but some just wouldn't let me. I hope no one feels bad about the answers I put down...you're free to question me about them, and I'll most definitely give you my answer. XD

Jun. 19th, 2008



I am officially going to Anime Expo this year with my cousin on July 5th, 2008. We are only going one day. I just got the clear about half an hour ago.

Get ready everyone attending! I have a camera that needs a picture with you and me! :D

Jun. 11th, 2008


Link Dump (mainly Youtube)

Procrastination to a whole awesome level! :D

Axel's Hips Don't Lie - Demyx is properly added.
Phoenix Wright - Boot to the Head - Best Will Ever.
I CAN'T LOSE - Can't let you do that, Starfox.
I can't wait to bomb dodongos! - It has been written, only Link can defeat Ganon.
Yaranaika Samba - best Yaoi musical tribute ever.
The Avon Lady Part I - Hee :D
The Wine Kone's question for the presidential debate - and the aftermath...
A funny scene in Silent Hill 3 - You'll get it if you've played the games or have a good knowledge of the gameplay.
Silent Hill 2 Dog Ending - stranger than the UFO ending!
Silent Hill 3 - Heather's Dance - the tune is catchy.
METAL GEAR AWESOME! and METAL GEAR AWESOME 2! - makes best sense if played original MGS for the PSone
Paul Robertson's works: Pirate Baby's Cabana Battle Street Fight 2006! and Kings of Power 4 Billion % - both are 10-11 minutes each of pure awesomeness.
Sephiroth demands and explanation for this bullshit.
Dugong - He doesn't have wings, because that is silly.

...I'll go back to my Physics studying now...

May. 31st, 2008




To the doucheface asshole whose cell number is EDIT: DELETED NUMBER, I have no idea who the fuck you are nor do I ever remember encountering you.

So please stop texting me saying that I thought your cock was big and that I liked it. I don't have your number in my phone, therefore I have no idea who you are. And I'm pretty good at keeping track of whose number is who, considering that I'm not a super social person who would pick up random numbers. I'm not that type of person.

And I really did not need to know that you were horny nor did I need your invitation for me to call you because I am not interested in who you are after this whole thing.

Someone rick roll him for me. Multiple times. The fucker deserves it.

May. 4th, 2008



Happy birthday to redwheelbarrow and Michelle Chang! I would greet you two somehow, but I've beautifully quit facebook. So, I'll just do it here...quietly...XD

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